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 | How can someone be both bisexual and married? |
| If you’re happily married, what are you doing joing a bisexual organization? |
These are the kinds of questions one sometimes hears when you’re both married and openly bisexual. (Or is it really just one question seen from two slightly different prespectives?)
The question of sexual fidelity and the monogamous relationship that many people - straight, gay or bisexual - think of as being synonymous with a happy and successful marriage, and the dilemma or conflict (it is assumed, by those same many people) that this creates for a man or a woman who is attracted to members of more than one sex, is as complex and multifaceted as they come. Like most such widespread situations, it is dealt with in about as many different ways as there are couples (and triads, etc) involved.
According to Webster, marriage is a close union - and once you’ve cleared away all of the legal, religious and cultural accretions, that is what it remains, at least in the ideal sense. Above that, each marriage should be - and is - different from all other marriages, as the differing needs, beliefs, values and personalities of the persons involved are reflected in a diversity of practices and expectations.
Meanwhile, societal expectations, which are based largely on tradition and sectarian religious doctrine - such as the demand that all marraiages involve only one man and one woman - are losing their power to influence the laws that govern and restrict this very private bond, as recent developments in Hawaii ably illustrate.
In 1972, a book entitled Open Marriage was published, and its title became identified in the public mind - thanks to the media’s sensational and highly inaccurate ‘reporting’ on the book - with ‘swingers’, suburban wife-swappers and the remnants of the ‘60s ‘free love’ movement. An ‘open marriage’ was popularly believed to the one in which Mr. and Mrs. Jones had agreed that each was free to sleep with whomever he or she was attracted to, and that anger, interference and jealousy would not intrude to mess up this very mature and civilized arrangement.
What the authors of the book, Nena O’Neill and George O’Neill, had actually written about was "an honest and open relationship between two people, based on the equal freedom and identity of both partners." Sexual experiences outside the ‘open marriage’ were neither universally recommended, nor seen to be an integral part of such a relationship; the possibility of such experiences is presented only as an option, which couples might or might not choose to explore. The O’Neills wrote: Open marriage is called open for that very reason: the options are there for you to take or leave according to your individual decision.
Between absolute sexual and romantic exclusivity at one extreme and unrestrained serial promiscuity at the other, there lies a large and diverse landscape. Some may agree to settle in one region of that territory and stay there for life, while others may move together from one place to another. Some may prefer the view or the climate in one area, and never truly understand why anyone would want to live anywhere else. All should agree (in my humble opinion) that the right to choose should be theirs and theirs alone.
The close union that is marriage is an intimate partnership, built upon a strong foundation composed of honesty, mutual respect and loving cooperation. The structure, finer points of design and furnishing of each individual marriage is the work of those who live within it.
-Jeff
It was an active and historic two months in the Valley of the Sun. It started with the Pride Parade, the first in eight years and the first for BiNet Az. It’s success was far more than anyone anticipated with over 5,000 participants. At the rally afterwards I needed all the support of Talyne and my partner Leonie before speaking to about 1,000 people to let them know we are proud and we’re here in unity. As a result of our BiVisibility we have attracted new members and were asked to speak at Phoenix College.
Stevi Belka (BiYouth Coordinator) and I came to class a few weeks later to let the "Gay and Lesbian Studies" students know that bi’s are real and visible! The big surprise of the evening was walking into the classroom to find Fara Swan as their 1st speaker. Fara was the Doctor who delivered our beautiful 10 month old daugther at home (and under water!).
Next was the 4th annual conference AFFIRMING SEXUAL DIVERSITY Meeting the Needs of Sexual Minority Youth held at ASU. BiNet sponsored our two youth coordinators, Stevi and Andrea to attend the workshops with me. The conference was very inclusive in it’s language for bi’s but seemed to deliberately avoid the "T" word. I questioned two professors during one workshop as to why they did not include and they honestly said they did not know enough about trans issues. Next year we’ll make sure there are workshops specifically for bi and trans issues of youth.
And finally, April was a big COMING OUT month. BiNetAz sponsored the ELLEN’S NIGHT OUT fund raiser and had a blast! We made $200 and found 3 new members! It was a great show but more than that it was a watershed in the whole Gay Movement. I personally caught the spirit and came out to my boss at work. Everything turned out great as she shared stories of her lesbian sister. And I have to also acknowledge Tarita who on her very first day on the job told her team she was off to a bi meeting! Some of us just take a little bit longer.
I can’t describe to you how excited and proud I am to be a part of this movement. This month we will participate for the second year in the annual Pride Festival and next month I will be addressing a workshop at the General Assembly as an out and Proud Bi. And we have the next annual meeting for BiNet USA in Orlando, Florida in conjunction with Gay Day at Disneyworld. There is a momentum now that we can build from and there is no limit. Every week we meet new people who seek alternatives to the dichotomous world we live in. The only real pride is when we live it!
Thanks - Ron
The Pride Festival is just around the corner. Don’t miss your opportunity to be involved in one of the best events to take place in the Valley of the Sun! This is a very good opportunity to meet people, openly, and have a good time to celebrate your Pride. I know that many of you are in the closet and the Pride Festival is a safe place to "come out" for a good time. I am now organizing the work crew and the good shifts are going to go fast. Here’s what we need:
We cannot afford to pay for a "selling" booth, so we have an "information table." This means we cannot sell anything to raise money, although we will hold a raffle. (So far we have a walking stick and a piece of artwork to raffle off. We could use one or two more pieces of jewelry or somthing like that!) Therefore OUR MAIN OBJECTIVE IS TO INCREASE OUR MEMBERSHIP!!! This is, and needs to be, a major source of our funding. We will also be signing people up for the dance marathon at the Pride booth, which will be held during Pride month.
Please, Please help us with this project. These projects are absolutely vital to the success and survival of our group. The festival is held Memorial weekend. BE THERE OR BE SQUARE! I knew we could count on you! - Talyne.
Nominations for the BiNet USA Southwest Regional Organizer are now being accepted. To hold this position you need to be an active USA member. The primary role of the RO is of course to organize, nurture and establish a BiNet USA presence in the region which consists of Arizona, New Mexico, Colorado, Utah and Nevada. The RO facilitates communication between local groups in the region and represents local regional members at the annual meeting and interim events.
The time commitment will vary but you should plan on 3-5 hours per week and you should be able to commit two years to the position. Having e-mail is also helpful. The pay is good, $45,000 a year, NOT! All USA positions are volunteer. For a job description, please send email. If you want to nominate yourself or someone else please let Ron know by the May 20 General Meeting. Final ballots will be sent out at the end of May. It is hoped that the new RO will be able to attend the national meeting in Florida.
Splish Splash
It’s that time of the year in Phoenix when the only possible function must be around a pool! The first ‘97 BiNetAz Pool Party will be on Saturday June 14th, from 2 pm to 7 pm at Ron’s House. Email for more info. The meal is Potluck.
On July 12th we are joining our brothers and sisters at OUT NIGHT OUT at BIG SURF. Sponsored by ECHO and GSMCC, they have reserved the entire park from 7 pm to 11 pm. Tickets are $12 with $2 going to BiNet for every ticket we sell. We will also have an info table, details on the Web Page, Children are invited!
National Membership Meeting-June 5 to June 8
This is the best time to join BiNetAZ/BiNetUSA as we gather in Orlando Florida for the 1997 Annual meeting. If you are currently a member you should have received the invitation in the mail. If you just joined or did not receive one email Ron at Ron@binetaz.org to get more info. Thursday, the BiYouth Initiative will hold a workshop on Leadership Development, the Regional Organizers and National Coordinators will be meeting and we’ll have a reception. Friday will consist of business meetings followed that evening with a Coffee House Social. Sunday will finalize business and plans for 1998. Saturday thought is the big Gay Day that we have adopted to be the Bi Trans Day at Disneyworld. This annual outing has grown every year and we plan to make sure Bi’s are VERY BiVisible! All members are welcome so please make plans now and call Ron.
Unitarian Universalist Church GENERAL ASSEMBLY
The Unitarian Universalist Church will be holding their annual national GENERAL ASSEMBLY here at the Phoenix Convention Center. It usually has over 3,000 attendees. This very progressive and inclusive organization has a sub group for the bi, gay, lesbian and trans members call Interweave. On Sat, June 21st there will be an annual dinner held with Harry Hays as guest speaker. Harry Hays is considered a legend in the Gay Movement and it is truly an honor to have him in Phoenix. We will do a phone tree notification as we get more details. On the 22nd at 4:30 p.m. there will be an open invitation to a workshop sponsored by the local Interweave chapter of which Ron Owen is involved and helped plan. This portion of the GA is usually well attended with 300 - 500 members. Ron will be one of the speakers at the event starting at 4:30 Sunday. As the only Bi on the panel we are asking all our members to come out and show support. Other panel members include an attorney, a VOIT member, Ken Chevrant and several others. Mark your calendars NOW!
